Mobile Phone News:

It’s time for another one of our patented mobile phone concepts, although… if I’m honest… this one’s not so silly (oh ok, it wasn’t going to be silly, but it kind of turned out that way, in the end…)

The question today is: what would happen if the single biggest name in the world of social networking had their own mobile phone made? What would the Facebook Mobile Phone be like?

Say hello to the Facebook ZH1 Facefone.

Hardware-wise it’s fairly innocuous, with a pretty standard screen, a pretty standard camera, a pretty standard collection of features. But the clever stuff all goes on behind the scenes, because everything the user does to enhance the phone is software-based. So, you can get weather apps, bumper stickers, flirt apps, apps to tell your friends what you had for breakfast, apps to remind me you what you drank last night and why you should never drink it again, and so on and so on and so on and so on…

Interestingly, the Facebook mobile phone also lets you interact with other people’s phones, virtually scrawling on the screen, throwing chicken poo at them, and zombie hugging (where the name ZH1 comes from) each other’s phones.

It also includes a brand new feature, designed to improve the lives of its users, known as the Hotel California power down mode. Essentially, to ensure you never miss out on anything, the Facebook mobile phone will never actually switch off. Nor can you ever actually end the contract on it. But, hey, it’s all for your own good, as is the Facebook mobile phone’s revolutionary advertising software (Beacon 2.0) which broadcasts your mobile number to ‘relevant advertisers’ can send you targeted information, so it will enrich the world (or so its creators say)!

The phone quickly gains notoriety for sending ENDLESS text msgs to your friends who don’t have a Facebook mobile phone, getting many of them to buy one, but then, the bubble seems to burst and sales drop off. Ofcom step in, announcing that, no, they must let people leave if they want, come on, play nice. Thousands of Facebook mobile phones are summarily executed, as users realise real friends are better.

Then Nokia builds it into its Ovi Portal, and everyone lives happily ever after…

[EDIT: Annnnnnnnnd Three had to go and ruin the joke by actually making a real Facebook phone. Still, at least it's a nice phone...]

Should Technical Markus be punished for his ‘Facebook Apathy’? Should he be commended? Would you really like to own a Facebook phone? Leave us a comment and have your say!