[WARNING: Contains massive plot spoilers!]
I’ve had a bit of stick, recently, since I went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, despite thinking the first film was rubbish; however, I’m a fair and equitable soul, who likes to give every film a chance (quite apart from the fact I’m a Transformers fan of some 25 years, and so, had to go see a TF film, even if I suspected it would be bobbins). After all, I couldn’t stand the first Resident Evil film, but actually quite liked the sequel, RE: Apocalypse.
Besides which, my mate was paying, so it wasn’t costing me anything, even if it was garbage.
So, I wandered over to see it, since, as well as the above, the trailer had some wide shots in, which suggested Michael Bay may possibly have listened to the complaints people had about the first film. And to be fair, there were some wide shots in it.
Alas, there was also a fundamental lack of any real plot direction, virtually no character development whatsoever, and oh so many flaws. But fortunately, it had phones in it, so I can legitimately talk about it here. Specifically, it had LG phones in it. Obviously it wasn’t something as high-end as the LG Viewty Smart, because 1/ the film was shot last year, and 2/ it’s American. I suspect it was an LG Versa, since that’s the phone LG are now selling in a limited-edition, Transformers-decorated way.
As for the film itself, though… dear god, it was awful. Like, properly, woefully bad. And that’s a real shame, because in amongst the ocean of tepid hideousness, there were one or two dead good concepts struggling to get themselves seen. Like the Decepticons threatening humanity with annihilation, unless they handed over Sleepy LaBeef’s character. That could’ve been such a good plot device, and let us see humanity at its darkest. Or the character of Jetfire, he was actually quite well done. Or the central plot conceit of Sleepy LaBeef holding the Autobot Matrix of Leadership in his head (which they nicked from the Marvel G1 comic, and hence, was something that made me do a little fanboy-smile).
But, no. Instead of a genuinely gripping, entertaining plot, we get nearly two and half hours of a robot doing something to Megan Fox’s leg (yes, think small dogs), Devastator with giant, pendulous… erm, things, made out of two wrecking balls, and a robot in disguise as a human, who has a tentacle where you really wouldn’t expect to see one.
Not to mention Michael Bay now seemingly having an obsession with tentacles. They should’ve called it Transformers: Hentaipocalypse, and had done with it…
Every reviewer who’s said the film is just like hitting yourself repeatedly with a hammer, while really staring at the inner cogs and motors of a Hoover is bang on, I’m afraid. I never thought I’d see the day when a movie that’s essentially nothing but wall-to-wall action is dull. Congratulations, Bay, you’ve somehow, magically made action boring. Oh, and a bit of extra criticism, if your title character is the bot known only as The Fallen, then don’t have The Fallen onscreen for only 3 scenes, with a combined running time of about 15 minutes. And I’d like to ask that people please, for the love of god, stop asking why a film needs to have a plot. Because it’s a film, that’s why; if it hasn’t got one, it’s just a collection of badly edited stock footage.
However, I will congratulate ILM once again, because despite being given cack designs to work with, and a director who seemingly doesn’t know how to frame a shot, you did a spot-on job with the special effects, yet again.
It’s just a shame that special effects alone don’t make a movie. You need heart and soul, and Revenge of the Fallen has neither…
Did you actually like Revenge of the Fallen? Or did you think it was a complete pile of steaming garbage? Leave us a comment and have your say!
