Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the final epic scrap in our iPhone Killers series, and today’s match-up promises to be a doozy! After some serious defeats, the iPhone scored its first victory in ages yesterday, trouncing the MotoSmu- sorry, MotoSurf A3100. And after its draw against the Blackberry Storm, the Cupertino Kid’s finally recaptured some of the form it showed at the start of the series, before it got its head ritualistically kicked in!
However, today really is its toughest challenge yet, because today, the iPhone is going up against a completely unprecedented phone, one that’s brand new from head to toe, that’s been newly designed from the ground up; everything from the design, to the touchscreen, to the software inside it is absolutely new, and never-before-seen. And quite frankly, it’s an astonishing mobile phone, that looks and feels as if dropped in from Mars. Ladies and gentlemen, taking on the iPhone today is the one, the only, the mighty… Palm Pre!
1. How useful is it for doing actual work on?
At the minute, it’s a bit of an unknown as to whether there’ll be document viewers and office software on the version of the Palm pre that we get, but to be honest, given how easy they’ve said it is to create apps for it, you just know there will be after release, if it doesn’t get them preinstalled. Of course, on top of that, it’s got push email, it’s ludicrously fast, and it has that full QWERTY keyboard, which instantly makes any phone win in this round. So, winner: Palm Pre!
Winner: Palm Pre
2. How good is the phone for mucking around and not doing any work on?
Ooh, a tough one to call, as this is something the iPhone does so well. The truth is, though, with the ease of creating apps for the Palm Pre, you just know its app store will rival the iPhone’s. And with full Facebook integration, not just within an app, but throughout the whole operating system, it will be the king of farting about! Plus, QWERTY keyboard again, and instant messaging. Need I say more? Win, Palm Pre…
Winner: Palm Pre
3. How many opportunities for showing off to my mates will the phone give me?
Ooh, another area where the iPhone always does well. That glass screen, the downloaded games, the sleek touch interface. Well, the Palm Pre can do all that, and if anything, the interface is even flashier than the iPhone, with finger swipes and gesture controls extending beyond the screen itself. Say that out loud: the screen actually extends beyond the screen. If that’s not a massive talking point for your mates, I don’t know what is. And you can show off the serious stuff, too, where it mullers the iPhone. I do believe, ladies and gentlemen that the iPhone’s been beaten at its own game, finally!
Winner: Palm Pre
4. How easy is it to use the phone to cheat at pub quizzes?
Both phones have superbly fast internet access, both have a full web browser, and both have that pinchy motion to zoom in and out on web pages (which Apple fans call illegal, and an evil conspiracy to corrupt the purity of the iPhone, and I call bleedin’ funny). To be honest, though, the QWERTY keyboard alone would be enough to give the Palm Pre the win, but unbelievably, it doesn’t stop there, because it just lets you type something with the keyboard (without even getting onto the internet first), and then it Googles it for you. As cheating goes, that’s by far the most efficient method I’ve ever seen, even topping the other best QWERTY phone on our list, the Nokia N97, and because of that, the Palm Pre easily wins this round!
Winner: Palm Pre
5. How good will I feel using it, and how GOOD will I look using it?
Here we go… the last round of the last fight in the iPhone Killers series… Can the iPhone pull a last minute victory out of the bag so it’s not a total whitewash, or is the Palm Pre going to beat it to death with a hammer…?
No. It cant. Because the Palm Pre outdoes the iPhone at its own game, being both flashier, slicker, more fluid in the interface and more intuitive to use. It’s just nicer in every conceivable way, and you’ve got the added bonus that people also won’t look at you and instantly think you’re a smug git…
Winner: Palm Pre
And the winner is…
Oooooooooh, it’s had some defeats before, but that is possibly the most savage beating I’ve ever seen a phone given. the Palm Pre has literally killed the iPhone. It’s now lying in a heap of a few component parts, with a lone ‘home’ button lying forlornly next to a cracked glass screen, as the Palm Pre gleefully relieves itself over the iPhone in every single way possible. And that leaves me in a quandary, because, as you know, our scoring system is “competitor score divided by iPhone score times 100“. And the iPhone didn’t win any rounds. Which means I’m having to divide by zero. Which isn’t actually physically possible, and threatens to tear the universe a new spacehole.
Maybe best just call it infinity, since that’s not a real number, but is the biggest of the numbers that don’t really exist. But still, here’s our final league table, and the Palm Pre has firmly mullered the iPhone!
So, there you have it folks! At a stunning INFINITY% as good as the iPhone, the Palm Pre has come out victorious, and holds its rightful title as the ultimate iPhone Killer!