Mobile Phone News:

We’ve been hearing rumours from Dialaphone about a revolutionary new handset that’s guaranteed to save you money - strange, as that’s normally to do with your tariff or your network rather than the phone you use. We’re very excited to have the first artist’s impression of this new handset, codenamed the 100-F from a Latvian manufacturer called Lirpa. Now, this seems bizarre, but the phone design has been inspired by the global credit crunch (which must have reached Latvia too), and works as either a coin-operated or credit/debit card mobile.

The UK variant will have a £1 coin slot for calls and a 10p slot for texts (not a bad price for a PAYG text) as well as a card slot (for which you’ll need to enter your PIN). It sounds like it will be quite bulky, maybe comparable with some of the smartphones around, and features will be limited - no camera or MP3 player as the components would take up too much valuable coin space.

Here are some of the 100-F features;

Colour screen - No
Bluetooth - No
Weight - 110g empty, 400g full
Available colours - Midnight Black, Dirty Grey and Grey Black
Card slot - Visa, Mastercard, Electron
Messaging - SMS, MMS, IOU
Ringtones - Built-in, Vibrate, Jangle

The idea behind this phone is obviously to make you think about how much you spend on calls, and we understand there’s another twist on this - users will be able to opt for having no access to the coin box, in which case they will have to take the phone to one of their network provider’s shops to have it emptied. None of the UK networks have commented on this as yet.

For more info or to pre-order visit the Dialaphone Lirpa Offers Page here.

Strange news has come through to us today, regarding our regular columnist, Technical Markus, so I’ve been drafted in as an emergency measure, to write this report. Details are sketchy at the moment, but Technical Markus has apparently been questioned to try and shed some light on bizarre occurrences that happened last night. None of this is real, you know, it’s all a viral video, made by Sony Ericsson..

As I say, details are sketchy, but witnesses have implied that Technical Markus may have been involved in a séance that went horribly wrong. A local resident reported hearing strange music, loud noises and screaming (if you know Technical Markus, none of those things will seem excessively strange…), and went round to complain. However, reports suggest she got more than she bargained for, as when she let herself in, the place was full of candles, and weird signs on the wall. Like what, diagrams of the Sony Ericsson W595 that they’re trying to sell?…

No-one is quite sure what happened, but Technical Markus was described as being in a wild-eyed state, and claiming that demons had taken one of his friends after a séance went wrong. Reports go on to state that he was taken in for questioning and psychiatric assessment. Presumably the assessment concluded that he’s a tool..

However, there does exist some footage of the supposed supernatural event as Technical Markus was testing out the brand new Sony Ericsson W595 when these bizarre events happened. This video, taken with the mobile phone, has since featured on news reports, and so, I will leave you with this report from News 24. Please be aware, though, this video may shock you. We also ask that if anyone else can help make sense of some of the bizarre things Technical Markus was saying after he was released this morning, such as watch for subliminal messages, hidden messages and reveal the white, then please get in touch with us. And for anyone who has highlighted this, well done, you win a biscuit..

Want to try it for yourself? Want to fool your mates into thinking you’ve used mobile phones to capture demons? You can make your own Sony Ericsson W595 Halloween viral video thing, here!

It can capture video of the netherworld, so grab the Sony Ericsson W595 today! And yes, everything in this post has been our own none-too-subtle take on viral games, too. Except the fact that Sony Ericsson are running a viral campaign. That bit’s true. But not the bit where Technical Markus actually summoned demons. That wasn’t. Obviously...

I’m sure you’ve all been watching The Apprentice recently on BBC with the legendary Sir Alan Sugar. I notice the Nokia N95 seems to be the communications device of choice on this great show, or is there a hidden sponsorship deal…

Anyway, I’ve been putting some thought into other devices that might have aided our hapless berks on their way to another seven days of servitude for loveable Alan…

Our first remedial student, the artist/property developer/trainee barrister Nicholas De Lacy Brown, really could have done with a good internet camera phone to aid him on his most arduous task of pricing fish up… The Sony Ericsson K850i surely would have been equal to this task with its fast internet connection, dark complexion and battery life that will last longer than a bucket of shellfish on ice. Then again, even the best phone in the world needs a human being with a brain to operate it…

Admittedly you’d have thought a trainee barrister would have been able to handle this simple task. I can barely spell ‘lawsuit’ but even I’ve just had the masterful idea of typing ‘price of lobster’ into the little-known search engine Google. Two clicks later and I have a full price list with some pesky lobsters prices - such gumption might just have saved my job this week had I been involves in this shambles of sales and marketing.

Not sure about you, but I wouldn’t trust this guy to get me off a parking ticket never mind a crown court trial (not that I have any forthcoming, other than possible libel issues for this article/rant) To be fair with his double barrel surname he has enough letters in his title already which is handy, as after watching this show he’s destined not to add anymore..

On to this week’s screening - now this was an outrage. They got the wrong person! Or did they?

Shazia Wahab seemed organised at first, but then was blamed for leaving the wash house early to grab the iron from the flat, unaware that the boys has nicked it hours earlier! Her system seemed to fall apart at this stage which tells me there was a communication error to say the very least.

Which phone could have helped our evictee with this most complex of tasks? I feel this is a job for a pad and a pen, or maybe coloured ribbons with safety pins? I always did think out of the box though, my ‘google’ solution to last week’s problem demonstrates this… (see above)

I think any organiser phone would have saved her from doom! The HTC TyTn II has an exceptional camera, great for sorting the whites from the colours so there’d be no discrepancies, MSN Messenger would have kept her in touch during the taxi journey home and the WiFi would have helped her to get some realistic prices from the internet to help the team and ultimately save the utter humiliation when quoting the hotel boss 5 grand for a 200 quid job! (Did you see his face?)

So that’s the first two candidates dealt with. Who’s going to get the bullet next week? I’m not sure how this week’s bully Jenny Celerier will cope with being told what to do and I have serious doubts about Lindi Mngaza’s limited intellect going unnoticed for much longer. We’ll have to see!

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